Introduction

I spend a lot of time waiting for life to make sense.

When I was young, I knew I would grow up, go to college, fall in love, get married, and have a family. Maybe you thought the same thing.

For me, love didn’t come in on cue.

I graduated from college, got a job, and thought, Now. This is when I fall in love. This must be it.

And there were guys, sometimes — guys who couldn’t dance and forgot my name and asked me if I “type and stuff” (an actual quote), because that’s what women are supposed to do after all.

In all fairness, there have been some good ones, too. But none of them were right for me.

My closest friends are all married. (My best friend, Brenda, was the last hold-out. She got married this past Easter.) They’ve had babies, bought houses, and settled down. Their lives make sense--at least, looking in from my vantage point.

I keep working and waiting . . . and wondering.

To my credit, I didn’t wait for a man to begin living my life. The thought of putting off something I wanted or needed to do just because I didn’t have a man alongside me made me sick. It still does. So I’ve had good jobs, lived on my own, gone to Paris, walked on the beach, and admired every evening sky.

The older I get, though, the more intense the questioning becomes: What is God doing with my life? (What am I doing with my life?) What if I never get married?

These issues are often only in the back of my mind, and my days are full of otherwise meaningful activity. But sometimes they erupt into everyday life with tremendous emotional force. Fear, grief, and jealousy control me.

I’m facing this head-on. I expect God to give me peace and contentment now, in my singleness. I think He’ll bring it himself, not by bringing me a man. Knowing Him will be my ultimate cure.

The purpose of this book isn’t to wallow in my own grief, or to tell you how to catch a husband or a wife (as if they could be caught, or a relationship based on such a catch would be worthwhile). Its purpose is to deal truthfully with singleness and its effects on our lives. I hope to identify the encumbrances that are inherent in single life, and to help us lay them aside so we can “run with endurance the race that is set before us” (Heb. 12:1, NASB).